SO I WILL ASK YOU HOW THIS HAPPENED
AND YOU WILL REPLY, "I TRIPPED."

- YOU WANTED TO SEE ME, SIR?
- "WANT" IS AN OVERSTATEMENT.

GET MANY VALENTINE'S CARDS, SIMON?

YEAH, CAN DO.

JUST HAPPENED TO BE OPPORTUNISTIC
HOMOSEXUAL RAPISTS?

YOU THINK, COS SHE'S SO MASSIVE,
SHE'LL COUNT AS TWO SHAGS.

- YOU COULD SAY PLEASE.
- JUST GIVE ME ONE.

'JAY WAS SEARCHING FOR THAT RAREST OF
BEASTS - A SEXY, MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN.'

- OH, HELLO, MR CARTWRIGHT. JAY.
- ALL RIGHT, WILL? YOU GOT ANY ACTION?

FOR ALL THE NEW SIXTH FORMERS,
THIS WOULD BE A MASSIVE NIGHT.

TWO DAYS HAD NOW PASSED
SINCE I KISSED CHARLOTTE,

THAT THE CARAVAN CLUB IS LIKE A SEX CLUB
ALL OVER EUROPE,

- WATERSIDE.
- WATERSIDE.

SO MY BIRTHDAY, OR DOG SHIT,
SINGLET, HEARTBREAK DAY,

NEVER PUT ON SPEEDOS IN A RUSH.

YEP. "OOH, FERGUS, OOH, FERGUS,
FUCK ME HARDER, IN THE MOUTH.

OR GET WORSE.

TWO THOUGHTS OCCURRED TO ME.
THE FIRST WAS, "WHAT'S THE POINT?"

WHAT'S HIS NAME?

OH, REALLY?

- YOU COULD ASK DONOVAN, JAY.
- UNLESS YOU'RE SCARED OF HIM.

CHARLOTTE?

- SPECIFICALLY, WHAT?
- WE COULD GET SOME BIRDS.

I HAD NO IDEA
HOW WE'D ACTUALLY GET INTO A CLUB,